Ross, you’re opening something very tender here, and you’re doing it with such courage. Let’s walk through this gently.

There is no wrong doorway into healing something as deep as the loss of a father in childhood. What matters most is what helps your nervous system soften, what helps your heart stay open, and what brings a sense of companionship rather than aloneness.

Let’s look at the two pathways you mentioned, side by side, with clarity and compassion.

1. Speaking to Jesus as a Brother

If your heart naturally leans toward Jesus with warmth, trust, and familiarity, this can be profoundly healing. Many people find that a loving, brother-like relationship with Jesus gives them:

• a sense of being held

• a feeling of not being alone

• permission to speak freely and honestly

• comfort in the presence of grief

If Jesus appeared to you (in your experience 35 years ago) as someone who welcomed that brotherly connection, then speaking with Him directly—openly, warmly, like a brother—can bring relief and allow your younger self to feel met and seen.

When you talk to Jesus, the “inner child” part of you often feels less abandoned.
And that matters deeply.

For the grief of a 13-year-old boy, a loving brother can be a tremendous healer.

This pathway is especially supportive if what you need most right now is companionship, warmth, and a sense of being deeply known.

2. Holding the trauma in the light of Pure Mind

Pure Mind is different in tone.

Pure Mind is:

• vast

• quiet

• non-judgmental

• not personal

• deeply stable

• always here

When you rest the trauma in Pure Mind, the energy often begins to unclench, simply because Pure Mind does not resist, judge, or fear anything.

A phrase like:

“Pure Mind in my father’s death…”
or
“Pure Mind loves me as I hold my father’s death…”

can create a healing environment where the grief is not pushed away and not fused with fear.
It brings space, clarity, and a certain innocence.

This pathway is especially supportive if what you need most is ground, steadiness, and freedom from the painful storylines around the trauma.

So which is wiser?

Here is the gentle truth:

Both are wise — but for different parts of you.

• Jesus speaks directly to your heart.
  He comforts the boy who was overwhelmed, confused, and grieving alone.

• Pure Mind speaks directly to your being.
  It supports the adult aspect of you who can hold things with awareness, compassion, and grounded presence.

Both healing lines can work together beautifully.

You can even weave them:

“Jesus, stay with me as I hold this with Pure Mind.”
“Pure Mind, surround me with your clarity as I speak to Jesus.”

Your healing doesn’t need to choose sides.
It can receive both companionship and spaciousness.

A Helpful Way to Approach This

Here’s a simple way you might feel your way in:

If the pain feels lonely → go to Jesus.

Let Him be your brother. Let Him listen to the 13-year-old’s hurt.

If the pain feels chaotic or overwhelming → go to Pure Mind.

Let the vastness calm the waves and give room for the grief to breathe.

If the pain feels deep and tangled → use both.

One warms you.
The other frees you.
Both heal you.

A gentle phrase you can try

You can speak this quietly when you’re ready:

“Jesus, my brother, be with me as I remember.”
“Pure Mind loves me as I hold this grief.”
“Let this tenderness be safe. Let this memory be free.”

This combination brings warmth, clarity, companionship, and healing all at once.

If you’d like, I can help you craft:

✨ a healing practice for meeting the trauma with Jesus
✨ a Pure Mind healing phrase sequence
✨ a blended practice using both
✨ a gentle morning or evening reflection just for this grief

Just let me know what feels most supportive.

Here you go, Ross — four gentle practices, each designed to meet a different layer of your heart, your memory, and your healing. Take them slowly. Let your breath guide you. Let tenderness lead.

✨ 1. A Healing Practice for Meeting the Trauma with Jesus

Purpose:
To allow the 13-year-old part of you to be comforted, accompanied, and held by Jesus in a warm, brother-like bond — exactly the way He invited you to all those years ago.

Length: 8–12 minutes

Step 1 — Settle and Invite (20–30 sec)

Sit quietly.
Place your hand over your heart or on your belly.

Say slowly:

“Jesus, my brother… I’m here.
I open my heart to You now.”

Feel the space around you soften.

Step 2 — Let Him Come Close (1–2 min)

Imagine Jesus sitting beside you.
Not above you.
Not judging you.

Simply beside you — like a warm, kind older brother.

Let His presence be gentle, quiet, understanding.

If it helps, imagine His hands resting on yours.

Step 3 — Name the Wound (1 min)

In your mind or softly aloud:

“Jesus, I was only 13… and I didn’t know how to carry this.”

Let that honesty be enough.

No explaining.
No fixing.
Just naming the truth.

Step 4 — Speak from the Heart (2–4 min)

Now speak to Him the way a younger brother speaks to an older one:

• “This hurt me so deeply.”

• “I felt alone.”

• “I didn’t know who to turn to.”

• “I didn’t know how to grieve.”

Or simply:

“Jesus, can I give this to You?”

Let the words flow naturally.

Step 5 — Let Him Answer (1–2 min)

Be still.

Imagine Jesus placing a hand on your back or over your heart.

Hear something like:

“I am with you in this.
You were never alone.
Let me hold this with you now.”

Let your breath deepen.

Step 6 — Close (20–30 sec)

“Thank You, my brother. Stay with me today.”

Feel the warmth remain as you slowly open your eyes.

✨ 2. A Pure Mind Healing Phrase Sequence

Purpose:
To let the pain rest in a field of clarity, innocence, and unconditional acceptance.

Tone:
Quiet. Spacious. Non-personal. Pure presence.

Phrase Set 1 — Acknowledgement

Say slowly:

“Pure Mind in my father’s death.”
“Pure Mind in the grief I still carry.”
“Pure Mind in the tenderness of this memory.”

Let each phrase open space rather than close it.

Phrase Set 2 — Allowing

Say:

“This pain can be here.”
“Pure Mind loves me as I feel this.”
“Nothing in me is wrong.”

Let the grief move without pressure.

Phrase Set 3 — Releasing the Pressure

Say:

“Pure Mind holds this memory for me.”
“Pure Mind takes the weight out of this.”
“Pure Mind is bigger than this sorrow.”

Feel your body soften as the phrases do their work.

Phrase Set 4 — Healing

End with:

“Pure Mind and peace.”
“Pure Mind and my father.”
“Pure Mind and love.”

Let it all settle.

✨ 3. A Blended Practice Using Both

Purpose:
To receive Jesus’s warmth and Pure Mind’s spaciousness at the same time — a beautiful union of personal love and impersonal clarity.

Length: 5–7 minutes

Step 1 — Jesus Beside You

Say:

“Jesus, my brother, be with me now.”

Imagine Him seated beside you.

Step 2 — Pure Mind Within You

Say:

“Pure Mind within me, hold this memory with gentleness.”

Feel a spacious awareness open in your chest and belly.

Step 3 — Bringing the Trauma Into the Light

Say:

“Jesus, stay with me as I hold this.”
“Pure Mind loves me as I feel this.”

Keep alternating:

• “Jesus, be with me.”

• “Pure Mind, hold me.”

This creates a healing cradle:

Warmth + Clarity
Companionship + Freedom
Love + Space

Step 4 — Close with a Blessing

Say:

“Let this grief be safe.
Let this boy inside me be healed.
Let love guide this memory into peace.”

Sit with the stillness for a few breaths.

✨ 4. A Gentle Morning or Evening Reflection for This Grief

You can read this in 60–90 seconds to settle your heart.

Morning

“This morning, I welcome tenderness.
The grief I carry is not a flaw — it is love missing its shape.
Today I bring my father into my heart with gentleness.
Jesus, my brother, walk with me as I remember.
Pure Mind, hold me in clarity and innocence.
Let healing be slow, kind, and steady.
Let my father feel close, not lost.”

Take one slow breath:

“I am safe to heal today.”

Evening

“This day is ending, and I release what was heavy.
The thirteen-year-old inside me is allowed to rest now.
Jesus, thank You for being near.
Pure Mind, thank You for giving space to my sorrow.
Let this memory soften through the night.
Let love wrap around the ache.
Let peace return to my heart.”

One final breath:

“I am held. I am loved. I am healing.”

Ross, if you want, I can also create:

✨ a printable black & white reflection page
✨ a guided audio script version
✨ a Pure Mind + Jesus combined healing meditation (10–15 minutes)
✨ a journaling page to work with your father’s memory, safely and gently